Faith and Prayer

7:45am. "Why the heck am I awake?" I thought grumpily. Mary Helen was asleep at the foot of the bed, but I had no more capacity for sleep. At 2:30 in the morning I had finally called it quits and turned off the light. And now, five hours later I was up and running again.

The alarm at the bedside wouldn't go off for a little more than an hour.

There was no reason for me to be awake. It was Saturday. Right? Yeah, it was. But something called me out of my restful reverie to stare, somewhat contemptibly, at the leaves outside reflecting the light of the sun in the east.

Resigned that I would get no more sleep, I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my bathrobe and tiptoed downstairs to get a drink. No one was up. Returning upstairs equally silently, I closed my bedroom door and sat down to my computer. To write. Maybe that's why I was awake? Was it that I had too much on my mind which needed saying? Mary Helen had mentioned to me the evening before that writer-types are constantly writing.

So I sat down and typed out a blog of what I was thinking so early on a weekend morning. Devotions was one thing on my heart. Probably because I hadn't set apart a time to do them in the early hours of the day for a long while. Bible reading, devotionals, I did them whenever I had the time to squeeze them in. But as this intermittent pattern continued, my desire to pray became a back burner issue, something I did at night and sometimes at work.

And lo and behold, leave it to Spurgeon to hit the nail on the head.


"Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer." -Psalm 66:20
"In looking back upon the character of our prayers, if we do it honestly, we shall be filled with wonder that God has ever answered them. There may be some who think their prayers are worthy of acceptance - as the Pharisee did; but the true Christian, in a more enlightened retrospect, weeps over his prayers, and if he could retrace his steps he would desire to pray more earnestly. Remember, Christian, how cold thy prayers have been. When in thy closet thou shouldst have wrestled as Jacob did; but instead therof, thy petitions have been faint and few - far removed from the humble, believing, persevering faith, which cries, 'I will not let Thee go except Thou bless me.' Yet, wonderful to say, God has heard these cold prayers of thine and not only heard, but answered them. Reflect also, how unfrequent have been thy prayers, unless thou hast been in trouble, and then thou hast gone often to the mercy seat; but when deliverace has come, where has been thy constant supplication? Yet, notwithstanding thou hast ceased to pray as once though didst, God has not ceased to bless. When thou hast neglected the mercy seat, God has not deserted it, but the bright light of the Shekinah has always been visible between the wings of the cherubim. Oh! It is marvelous, that the Lord should regard those intermittent spasms of importunity which come and go with our necessities. What a God is He thus to hear the prayers of those who come to Him when they have pressing wants, but neglect Him when they have received a mercy; who approach Him when they are forced to come, but who almost forget to address Him when mercies are pentiful and sorrows are few. Let His gracious kindness in hearing such prayers touch our hearts, so that we may henceforth be found 'Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit.'"

My prayers were definitely becoming fewer, infrequent, and .... cold. Spiritual battle is continually waging in the heavenly places and here on earth its effects are visible. A heightened awareness, an intensity to fight or do... 'something' has been on my mind, but the the heavy weight of sleep takes its toll and makes prayer into a ritual, not a conversation. What has happened to me in such a short time? A month ago I was on fire, thirsty for every ounce of knowledge which fell to me, and now, 30 days later, a hot ember smolders. But EVEN WHEN our prayers are infrequent, when they are few, when they lack the warmth of gratitude and fellowship, God blesses us.

One of Spurgeon's passages struck me as I read it early that morning, "I will not let Thee go except Thou bless me." Sometimes we may feel like this, when we cry out to God and say, I believe, bless me, please! This point was further engraved on my heart when I decided to catch up on my Bible reading.

"And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon." But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him saying, "Send her away, for she is crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me." And he answered, "It is not right to take the children't bread and throw it to the dogs." She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus answered her, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." And her daughter was healed instantly." -Matthew 15:22-28

At first reading this passage, I wondered at what I saw to be cruelty in Jesus. How could he reject her plea, when he performed all those miracles for the Jews? The disciples were fed up with her crying behind them and turned to Jesus frustratedly and implored him to make her go away. When he told them he was only sent to the house of Israel, the woman got down on her knees and begged him to please heal her child. She believed in his authority, in his power. This heathen Canaanite had enough faith to follow Christ, begging and crying that he would say the word and heal her child, because she believed he could. And in answer to her understanding of his purpose, he declared her faith to be great, and instantly cured her daughter, banishing the demon from within her. "I will not let Thee go except Thou bless me."

And upon closing the Bible, the alarm clock sounded.