The Waterfall

It didn't matter that the rest of the day had been decent. All I thought about at the moment was how much I wanted to sink into that leather couch and disappear. Didn't help that I had avoided Bible Study on Thursday nights for several weeks and thus was being forced to attend. Awkwardness settled around me like an itchy wool sweater, making me squirm where I sat. "Why, Lord? Why'd I have to come tonight?" That query reverberated in my head as I watched the lips of those around me as they spoke in turn.

"Why are you running?"

It hit me like a dam being released. I couldn't come up with an answer, at least, none worth the time of day. Excuses, "Well, I could be doing other things, instead of sitting here," or "I'm not running, I just don't feel comfortable here," etc. It bothered me. Was I running? Why hadn't I realized it? Why WAS I avoiding church functions?

The evening passed this way with my finally coming home and retreating to my bedroom with a cupcake I'd taken from the kitchen. Lazily I pressed the power button on my laptop urging it to awaken. Listlessly removing the other disc in the drawer, I replaced it with something that I could turn up loud.

The decibels resounded off the walls, and nothing bothered me in my personal coccoon. Until mom knocked on the door and told me to "turn down the insanity." Grudgingly I turned the volume knob and crossed my arms over my chest much like a three year old throwing a tantrum. Something didn't fit. I didn't feel right, nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted.

In the silence following my storm of music and irritable behavior, my ears caught the sound of something tapping the window. Like many fingers clicking against the glass.

In a moment I was on my feet and pulling laundry baskets and an empty suitcase away from the door to the deck. Grasping the handle I turned the lock and opened the door to a short gust of wind. The rain had started.

Walking a few steps forward and pulling the door closed behind me, I stuck my hands out over the railing to catch a what I could of the heavenly waterfall. For that's what it was. Torrents began pouring, and I did something I normally wouldn't; I walked into it. Palms opened upward, eyes closed, letting the rain soak my face, my hair, my shirt. A wall crumbled in my mind and my own tears mixed with the falling rain.

"Lord, I've been running from You, I haven't had the desire to read more about You, I can't pick up the lifeline. I can't choose what's right... I need You. Please forgive me for ever forgetting, please forgive me for running."

In that moment, a rush swept through me and my limbs shook violently. But I stayed, drenching my body in the cool, forgiving waterfall of God's grace. For it is only His grace which would allow me to ever return to Him, after so many times I shrugged Him off. Praise God, from whom all blessings flow. Even the rain.