Two Questions

"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Cor. 7:5

"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot excercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." - 1 Cor. 7:6-9

In one paragraph, in one section of one book in the entire Bible, I found answers to two thoughts which had been burning in my mind. I may have wondered about them before, but only recently have I tried to think it through more thoroughly, with varying results.

The first point I found best explained in the footnotes of my study Bible... "These are remarkable verses in that they reveal veiwpoints that appear to be far ahead of their time: a healthy perception of the woman's sexuality, and an understanding of the complete equality that exists between a man and a woman in the most intimate area of their relationship. The Scripture gives no support whatever to the notion that sexual relations are solely at the direction and for the enjoyment of the husband. The apostle allows for temporary abstention from sex (in a way similar to fasting) but he does not allow protracted abstinence. God requires sexual union as part of marriage [...] spouses may - but need not - deprive each other for a short period and for a specific reason. There are certain advantages for the work of the kingdom in remaining unmarried, and so Paul personally can wish that every believer would give his or her life exclusively to the advance of the gospel. But the apostle realizes that such a situation is not possible for everyone and would only lead many Christians into sexual temptation."

I'll stop there. These were my two questions: 1)I want to go into missionary work with my husband, but what if say I become pregnant or something and have to return to the States? Would I take him back with me, or would that be selfish? and 2)Am I created this way, or is it culturally induced to want someone, for me to want a partner in a marriage relationship?

1)It is apparent in Paul's writing that he wishes everyone would stay single like himself and go out into the world and preach salvation to the lost, but he understands not everyone is like him and that God desires different people for different tasks. Thus, if I had to separate from my husband, which I really wouldn't like, but might have to under extenuating circumstances, the words, "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer," are a sort of comfort. There will be times when absence will be necessary, and it will be necessary for them to act singly in the work God has set apart for the time when married couples cannot be with each other. But it was interesting for me to notice how the equality works between the man and the wife in agreeing when to practice abstinence, and to do so with the understanding that it shouldn't be long.

2)This one makes me rather ashamed, actually. As a little girl I always dreamt of my wedding, what would the bridesmaids wear, what my groom would be like... but at the time, how could I have realized that a relationship would be so fundamentally important to me? It is my life drive, the reason I'm still here. The relationship with my heavenly Father took longer in coming than I would've wished, but I was running. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, for happiness in sordid corners, and I always came back empty and more defeated than I started. Winter has always been a dark time for me, as I tend to stew on the coldness and the unwantedness in my life and wish for a resting place. I wanted to throw in the towel, to just give up everything on earth and go home to my Father. The image in my head nagged me though... what if I did commit suicide, intent on going to heaven, and then having God look at me and say, "Did you not believe me when I told you I had plans for you? Why are you here?" The Lord was my helping hand, or rather, he carried me close, so I could smell Him, listen to His words, and be wrapped up in His presence. Without Him... I don't think I'd be here writing this, honestly. And though it was a source of embarrassment, I had ended up posting something online about feeling suicidal, and of all the notes... that got the most attention. My pastor, my youth leader, my friends, my cousin, my dad... it spread like wildfire. That was the turning point. God used them instrumentally to bring His reality back into my life like a hurricane.
But to the question, am I created to be in a marriage relationship, the answer is probably yes. My struggle, however, is in this: "For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." Eesh, talk about embarrassment. I think my cheeks warmed up when I read that. My emotions control me more than I'd like to admit, I find them purely torturous most of the time. I'm not a squeaky clean kid, I have my past, but I believe in repentance and forgiveness. That doesn't mean I don't still have my issues. Sometimes mental images will attack me out of nowhere, most times when my mind is idle just before I go to bed, and I have to open my eyes and pull in other objects to eject the impure. Hate it when that happens, I lose my sleepy state.
In all seriousness though... I never want to be intimate before marriage, with all that is in me I want to please the One who gave me my body. But more than just that, I want to have love for brothers and sisters who have given in, and not just a, "I have to accept you because I'm Christian" kind of false love, but a sincere, humble love towards those who are broken. It's not just a "good" thing to do... it's required.