To Mexico?

The alarm went off. Not for the first time. Not the second. But the third time that morning. I groaned as I realized I couldn't lie in my current position beneath the covers anymore. Willing myself to awaken, I stuck my feet over the side of the bed and made it to a standing position. Grabbing my towel on the way downstairs to shower, my mind began its regular occupation of questioning, organizing, and playing the last song I remebered hearing.

Cold water hit my bed-warmed skin and I shivered. "Lord, should I go to Mexico?" Every morning, noon, and night this question rose to my mind. But this morning was different. An excitement tingled through my veins, and it wasn't just the cool water.

The night before I'd been discouraged, and then just plain perplexed over this single question. Youth group had taken its normal route, minus Marko, and we spoke of prayer, what God had been doing in our lives, and Mexico. Honestly, I was excited, but then I got in the car.

"Hey mom, I really think I want to go on the missions trip to Mexico."

I knew when I first uttered those words she'd get defensive, and irritated, though I could never understand why. Fifteen minutes later, I walked in the door, saw my dad sitting on the couch watching NHL, and dropped my bags to the floor.

"Dad, I need to talk to you about Mexico. But first, I need to go to the bathroom."
"Okay...?"

When I sat down, I immediately delved to the bottom. I felt I was being called to go, but mom didn't seem to approve, and I didn't know what I should be doing, and how I'd been in prayer about it every day for about two months, only recently with more intensity.

"See, I found this verse when I was flipping through Proverbs, and I thought it was cool: 'Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.' "

From there, he muted the TV screen, and furrowed his brow to listen to me setting everything before him. After what seemed like an eternal monologue, I paused to allow him airspace, and to suck in some air for myself.

"You feel pretty strongly about this?"
"Yeah."
"And the only thing you can come up with for not going is mom's disapproval?"
"I think so."
"I think she's just scared to let you go. But, if you want my opinion.... you have my blessing. If you truly feel God is calling you to Mexico, then by all means, go."

All this raced through my mind in the shower in a matter of seconds. Could I really be on my way to Mexico? It seemed so unreal. Then again, God likes to do the impossible. So it was Thursday, and I had to be at work, then help out with art classes, and that evening I was scheduled to go with my friend Sandra to meet Nick, one of the leaders in youth group, to talk about the trip.

After a confirming meeting, I felt truly peaceful. I'd forgotten how good it feels to be stress-free, to let God do amazing things without my worrying about how to prepare with monetary issues, with work, with any and everything. If it is God's will, and I believe it is, I will be in Mexico this June for a week. Fear? Yeah, it's waiting for it's chance to eat me, but the Lord has comforted me, even when I wasn't looking for it. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

Funny, until a few weeks ago, I never really read the verse on the wall in my classroom (which I've been in the past three years...) But while waiting for my cue to go on stage, it struck me afresh, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

I then read further, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart[.]"